Friendships are among the most cherished and yet complex relationships one has in their life. Research has suggested that an average person’s conventional friendship group consists of around 150 people, with five very close friends but larger numbers of people whom we keep in touch with less frequently. This figure is so consistent that scientists have suggested that larger numbers require too much brain effort to keep track of. This, of course, does not include many of your “friends” or “followers” on social media. One social influencer commented, “To be honest, I am not sure I keep in touch with as many as 150 people. As it is, I can’t seem to find enough time for my not-so-wide social circle – there are quite a number of phone calls, emails, and texts I owe my friends.” I perceive these stats and observations as helpful but understand them to miss the point.
I believe it’s possible to have numerous superficial friendships and not have even one truly faithful one. This is a tragic reality since I would argue that one genuine friendship outweighs a 100 superficial ones. If genuine friendships are so worth having, the main question is, “How do we develop them?” We’ll answer this question by looking at the historic friendship between David and Jonathan.
Let me give some context. Jonathan was the son of King Saul. He was groomed for the throne from an early age. David was raised to be a shepherd. David and Jonathan came from two different worlds, but they became the best of friends. In fact, they became as close as brothers. Despite their differences, they found a deep bond in that they both had faith. Jonathan knew something about faith. Once, he took on an army’s outpost with only his armor bearer. Here’s the point, David and Jonathan had a type of faith that drew them together despite their differences. Jonathan’s accomplishments only take up a small portion of the Old Testament, but his friendship with David has been held up as a role model for all times – being a model of friendship.
Let me offer further context. Saul becomes jealous of David and has even attempted to kill David with a spear. Being friends with a guy whose dad throws spears at you is not easy. It would also be uncomfortable knowing that both of you are in competition to become king since Jonathan was the king’s son and David had been anointed the next king by the prophet Samuel. David and Jonathan obviously found something worth the risk, which makes their friendship worth an up-close-and-personal look. I believe we discover from David and Jonathan’s friendship that none of us needs to settle for merely surface friendships. It’s possible through commitment and courage to have a much deeper friendship. When two persons of faith connect in pursuit of God, the result can be one powerful connection.
A pivotal passage referring to David and Jonathan’s friendship occurs in 1 Samuel 18:1-4 where we are told that Jonathan “loved David as his own soul.” Remember that David and Jonathan were both likely very young men, possibly even teenagers. Jonathan was the first “prince” of Israel, and David was a shepherd boy. At first glance, this friendship seems too ideal to be true. How many people do you know who are close with such different backgrounds? How many friends do you have that you can say you are “one in spirit” or that you “love as yourself?” Indeed, David and Jonathan’s friendship is rare, but let’s look a little closer before we just write it off as unrealistic.
As we look into David and Jonathan’s friendship, we discover three friendship factors that we can use to take our friendships deeper. The first factor is connection. David and Jonathan
‘s connection was certainly not weak. Look at what happened when their friendship was tested. When King Saul went psycho and began trying to kill David, Jonathan tried to play peacemaker. When Saul continues to try to kill David, Jonathan helps him escape (1 Samuel 20:1-4, 17-20).
David and Jonathan had a “whatever you need” friendship. Jonathan pledged to David, “Whatever you say, I will do for you.” The ideal friendship is a “whatever you need” friendship. I must ask myself, “Am I that type of friend.” Do I trust my friends enough to do “whatever they ask?” This type of connection does not occur without a true commitment between friends. In fact, you cannot have a connection without commitment.
The second friendship factor is commitment.
Seasons of life come and go. People typically bounce from one friend to another. But there’s a type of friendship that lasts in all things and through all things. Faith is the foundation of a rock-solid friendship. When two friends are committed to growing closer to God, they can grow closer to one another. That builds trust, and trust builds connection. Eleanor Roosevelt declared, “Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.”
Commitment is built upon trust, and trust is founded, among other things, on believing the best for another is the goal. This starkly contrasts with those who believe the goal is to always be first. The third factor is no competition. If anyone had a right to be in competition, it was David and Jonathan. David was anointed to be the next king, and Jonathan was being groomed to be the next king. Both could not be the next king. This situation would make most people feel insecure, but not David and Jonathan. However, we read the contrary in 1 Samuel 20:17-20. Jonathan does not try to get rid of David but saves his life. When you have a genuine friendship, you know that God gets the credit, and you don’t compete for personal glory. You know that God brings about the plan according to His purposes, and you don’t worry about who gets the honor. You’re working together for the same goal, spurring each other on to deeper faith and connecting in faith.
I would be amiss if I didn’t mention the most important friendship with the most faithful friend. Jesus declares in John 15:13-15 that “You are my friends,” and in doing so, implies a stunning level of comfortable personal interaction with One who is also the eternal, omnipotent Creator of the universe. In the Old Testament, only Abraham (2 Chron 20:7; Isa 41:8) and, by implication Moses (Exod 33:11) are called “friends of God.” In this passage, Jesus extends this privilege to all obedient believers. When we receive Jesus as Savior and Lord, we also accept Him as a friend who will never leave or forsake us (Heb 13:5).
Our friendship with Christ can even empower us to have a genuine friendship with others. When the friendship between two Believers has the friendship factors present, they will spur each other on to go deeper in their faith with God and, as a result, will have a deepened friendship. I hope and pray that each of us right now will see friendships as worth the risk and effort and seek to have them established in our life. Of most importance, I hope we all have received Christ as Lord and Savior, and yes, friend. Soli Deo Gloria (Glory to God Alone)!