Proverbs is a unique book among those found in the Bible. This book contains pithy, memorable sayings encouraging people to pursue wisdom. Proverbs deals with the most fundamental skill of all: practical righteousness before God in every area of life. Put another way, the purpose of Proverbs is to give instructions on right living. One of the areas this fantastic book advises us on is friendship. In the Bible, we do not find, a concise definition of “friend” or “friendship.” What we do receive is a significant amount of teaching throughout the Old and New Testaments on various aspects of friendship. The Bible book that references friendship the most is Proverbs. Nearly every occurrence either cautions against unhealthy friendships or commends the virtues of true friendship.
A simple definition of friendship is “a close, trusting relationship between two people.” The book of Proverbs has much to say about friendship and the way we are to treat one another. The intimacy involved in friendship involves influence. Friends influence one another. That is why it is so important to choose our friends wisely and to be a wise friend. As I explore Proverbs three truths about friendship rise to the surface.
First, who our friends are say much about us. For instance, we find in Proverbs: “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm” (Prov 13:20). We must be careful about who we allow in our inner circle. Those closest to us have the greatest influence on our thinking and decision-making. It is challenging to walk the right path if those around you are not. On the flip side, it becomes more likely that you will choose to walk the right path if those around you are doing so. We also read: “One who is righteous is a guide to his neighbor, but the way of the wicked leads them astray” (Prov 12:26). A person committed to living rightly does not just accept anybody as a friend. Let me clarify, I am not talking about “friend” in the generic term, “Hey friend!” When I write “friend,” I am talking about someone who is close and trusted – A person who is a real influencer in your life. A person committed to living rightly chooses friends carefully.
Secondly, Proverbs teaches that loyalty is a true test of friendship. We discover: “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity” (Prov 17:17). The main point of this verse is not to differentiate between friend and brother, except to say that both are to be valued. The real point is that a true friend is not a “fair weather” friend. They are there for you and with you through all the highs and lows of life. This is emphasized by the fact that a brother’s love is especially seen in adversity. This type of friendship is quite significant. We observe in Proverbs: “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” (Prov 18:24). The point being made is that people, who have numerous friends chosen indiscriminately, may find themselves in trouble. It’s better to have one true friend than many unreliable companions.
Then, thirdly, Proverbs teaches that a friend ought to make others better. For instance, we find in Proverbs: “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another” (Prov 27:17). When iron is rubbed against another piece of iron it shapes and sharpens it. It’s in a similar way people can aid each other in improving themselves through their discussions, suggestions, and ideas. The success we experience in life is in part determined by our growth. Our growth is in part determined by those we allow to speak into our lives. Therefore, we ought to choose them carefully.
I realize that what I have shared could be misunderstood as a lesson on snobbish living. It certainly is not meant to be such. However, we are fooling ourselves if we do not accept the fact that whom we let into our inner circle influences us and as a result influences the type of person we will be. On the flip side, we need to be the kind of person whose friendship will benefit others.
Friends either help people become better people, or they don’t. Even worse, a reckless friend may tear down or lead us down the wrong path. What I am saying could easily be expressed this way: “Friends Make or Break People.” As I look at the picture Proverbs gives of friendship I am personally challenged. It would be easy to begin to evaluate my friends, but I have to begin with me. I have to ask myself, “Am I the friend God has called me to be?” Only after prayerfully evaluating myself am I then free to evaluate those friends I have let into my inner circle. I need to seek the Lord to help me be a good friend and seek His wisdom in determining whom I allow to speak into my life. Friendship is a close, trusting relationship between two people. I want to be sure that this trusting relationship is beneficial to both of us.
I am grateful to be able to call each of you friends in Christ. Let us encourage each other to be a person others can trust as well as chose to place trustworthy people in our inner circles. Lastly, if any of us still have any question what a good friend looks like all we need to do is look to the amazing example found in our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.